Modern Etiquette: What Rules Still Exist? Tell us your thoughts to win a $75 Amazon gift card

    by   SheSpeaksTeam   

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Jul 10, 2019
503

"Dear Abby" was one of the original syndicated advice columns, appearing in over 1,200 newspapers and read by over 95 million people. Times have certainly changed since "Dear Abby" launched in 1956, but we are curious: are there still rules for common etiquette? And if so, what are they?

In the past few weeks, 5 burning questions have come up within the SheSpeaks Team. After much discussion, here are our best answers. Do you agree? Tell us what you think and you'll be entered to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

Are there any questions you'd love the answers to? Submit them and we'll include some of our favorites as future polls on our website!

Q 1. If you bring a dish to a get-together, is it appropriate to bring home the leftovers?

Not usually. Leftovers should be left for the host to enjoy. However, if there are a ton of leftovers and the host is truly insisting you take it, then take it. It's certainly not worth fighting over.

2. Is it rude to leave your cell phone on the table when dining with friends?

Yes, it's rude, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, if you are out without your kids, then it's ok to keep the phone out in case there is any issue at home. But don't take any calls or texts unless they are truly important. It's not fun to be at dinner with someone who cares more about their device than you.

3. If a single person is going in on a present with a couple who is married or dating, does the single person pay 50% and the couple pay 50% or does each individual person pay one-third?

If everyone knows the recipient equally, than everyone pays equally. But if the partner in the couple doesn't know the recipient and is really just a guest, then 50-50 might be ok. Make sure to talk about it with each other before assuming the amount.

4. How do you get out of an annoying group text conversation without insulting everyone in it?

No one wants to hear constant phone beeping when they're not interested in the chat. If there's a chance that the discussion will end soon, then just silence your phone and ignore it. But if it looks like this chain might be permanent, then it's ok to beg out. Best to send a light-hearted text, something like, "Hey all, love this group but need to get away from the phone and actually pay attention to my children! Can you remove me from the chat? Thx!"

5. Are thank you notes necessary? Do they always have to be hand-written?

Everyone appreciates a thank-you but there are varying degrees of how it needs to be said. If your friend buys you a drink for your bithday, sending a thank-you text afterwards is perfect. But if you receive more meaningful gifts, like at your wedding, graduation party or baby shower, than, yes, we still believe that hand-written notes are ideal. Email is ok for informal events if it is truly personalized. If someone spent time picking out a thoughtful (or expensive) gift for your new baby, they deserve something more than a group email saying, "Thanks for coming to my shower! Loved your gift!" 

What do you think? What questions do you have? Enter for the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

#SheSpeaksEtiquette Giveaway

*One lucky contestant will be chosen at random to receive a $75 Amazon gift card. Giveaway is open through July 28th, 2019 to U.S. residents at least 18 years of age. Entrants must be a member of SheSpeaks. If you are not a member, click here to join. Winner will be notified by email.

Update: Thanks to all who entered! Congrats to our winner, SheSpeaks member beaniebaby70.

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by mami2jcn | Willow Spring, NC
Jul 20, 2019

Yes, I agree with all of these. The thank you notes are especially important.

by Pearltree | ocala, FL
Jul 20, 2019

I agree with all the above. What are your thoughts on inviting someone to dinner, do you think they should offer to bring something other than wine? and should they than invite you over to dinner sometime in exchange?

by dreas07 | West Jordan, UT
Jul 19, 2019

I recently had the same question about thank you notes. I was shocked to find out that most of the younger generation doesn't send them or expect to receive them. I guess I'm old school, I'd like to at least receive some acknowledgement that my gift was received!

by ElizabethMenard | NOBLESVILLE, IN
Jul 19, 2019

I believe you should leave leftovers if you bring a dish. I feel its rude to take back something you brought just because there is some left. Let the host enjoy the remains unless she specifically asks you to please take it back.

by izzytug | GILBERT, AZ
Jul 19, 2019

These are great, thanks!

by orchidlady01 | PEMBROKE PNES, FL
Jul 18, 2019

Leftover distribution is up to the host not the person bringing the dish.

by Brea_33 | NORTH EAST, MD
Jul 18, 2019

I agree with all of these...except the leftover thing if it's a family event because in that case everyone usually brings home some leftovers. Plus if it's family I always bring a nice dish so it needs to be emptied and cleaned before we leave (of course I wash my own dish. I never expect the host to clean my dish that's just rude)

by bechug | COLORADO SPGS, CO
Jul 18, 2019

I've never heard that you should leave your leftovers with the host. I wonder how many times I've offended people over that!

by rychepet | WESTLAND, MI
Jul 18, 2019

I love to write thank you notes! Everyone loves to get mail that isn't junk. However, most people throw them away or recycle them after they read so it is eco-friendly to send via text or msg.

by tbolliecat | COLUMBUS, OH
Jul 18, 2019

I definitely think it is rude to have your phone out on the table at dinner as a general rule. I know there are times when it might be important to hear the phone (ie young kids at home with a babysitter) but those times should be kept to a minimum. Also, for the most part even if you need to be able to check your phone, you should be able to keep it in a pocket or a purse with either vibrate or the ringer on instead of right on the table.

by NanJac | Fraser, MI
Jul 18, 2019

I agree with all the above responses to the questions.

by sandramburns1959 | CONCORD, NC
Jul 18, 2019

I agree with these. Also, if you drive a distance to visit a friend, they should not be on the cell, unless an emergency.

by mrenda | COLUMBUS, OH
Jul 18, 2019

Raising 3 grandchildren I have had to answer my phone and leave because one of the children were sick so I do understand this now, however before we had the grandchildren I didn't.

by Spoiledkitty29 | Shelby Township , MI
Jul 18, 2019

My kid's friends are shocked at our no phones during meal time rule - on more than one occasion they've taken a friend's phone away and put it in the basket. I agree with all these!

by moo77hb | Kingsley, IA
Jul 17, 2019

I always offer to leave the leftovers but will take it home if no one else will eat it.

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